Train ride in the dark
by demando
Summary: Set in an alternative alternative Lilly route, during, and following the Hokkaido trip. Lilly / Hisao, eventually Lilly / Hanako


All credit goes to 4 LEAF STUDIOS. Read, review and enjoy.

The story is centered on an alternative Lilly route, during, and following the Hokkaido trip. May include OOC, violence and explicit sexual scenes.

**Chapter 1: Awake**

The memory of the last sunset still lingered in Hanako's mind. The orange glow bouncing on the wheat fields were now pinned in her mind, a special foil of imaginary gold that shrouded her dearest friend…and the boy who now had her.

Lilly's image seemed to flow above the fields, serene and stoic. Her eyes, sapphire that comprehended the world even though they couldn't see it, reflected her own face like a mirror. The only mirror the could bear to look into.

She had no choice in hiding her face, and the clothes could only hide the monstrosity from the outside world. But not from the inside.

Not from herself.

She had no choice when it came to bathing. It was the time when she had to look upon her naked form. At that point, there were no clothes to defend her. It was her own little person, her tender frame standing before the mess that was her flesh. And each touch gave a renewed reminder of what she was.

Her eyes were now fully opened, staring at the empty wall.

Lilly's image hadn't gone away. The gentle, pure Lilly. _Her Lilly. _Her hands had touched her before, but at least her eyes hadn't. Despite her admiration for Lilly's nature and determination, she, even in her darkest moments, realized that she needed to be thankful for those eyes that would never see the world.

Because they would never see her disfigured form either.

It was all she had left. Her only friend at Yamaku, and probably the last person she would befriend. Her frame, her cane on which to lean on. She never mustered the courage to call her mother. She felt in improper. Even though the claws of her nightmares had pried that word from her lips on many a nights.

And now, a human hand had made it impossible to utter that word. That and the word she never had the courage to utter, not even in the throws of night terrors: _lover._

Lilly…my _defiled _Lilly.

**0000**

Hanako's bare feet made little noise, as she came out of the kitchen. She carried a glass of orange juice. Passing by Lilly and Hsiao's room, she was relieved to hear no sounds coming from it. Her hand reached for the handle, but stopped short. She didn't want to go in. The image she knew would greet her would be worst than anything her imagination could fantasize.

She entered her room, locking the door. Setting the glass on her table, she climbed back on the bed. She looked at the glass, and then remained focused on the ceiling. Lilly's form began to take shape in her mind again.

This time, she was naked. It was identical to the form she had looked upon many times before when she had seen Lilly undress. Only one thing had changed: a red streak stained her thighs, gathered in drops caught in her dark gold curls.

_Hisao! Get your hands off from her!_

She plugged her ears, trying to stop the sounds that were in her head. A foolish task, which she soon stopped. The sounds of their grunts were sickening. Not because she didn't know what sex was. She had heard about it enough at the orphanage.

The reason was obvious to her. Sex was something she would never experience. Even if she, by some freak of nature, would get Lilly to see her as more than just a friend, why would she touch her body in _that _way. Lilly had only touched her body once: the day she decided it could be possible to allow this girl to _see _her. All of her. And there was only one way to do that in Lilly's case.

Slowly, Hanako began to lift her nightgown. She was aware of her intention, but felt no need for it. It was just something that had to be done.

She looked between her thighs. The scars were visible, even though not as serious as on her back or face. They extended on her leg, and partially inwards. She looked for a few moments, as if she they were displayed for the first time. _What person would ever touch me there? _Pondered Hanako bitterly. _What person would ever do that…__**thing **__with me?_

Her hand reached downwards, stopping short of her pubic area. She shut her eyes, trying to focus on Lilly. _Only _Lilly. Her fingers shook. Lilly had been the focus of her fantasies for over two years. And each time she invoked her picture to relieve herself, she felt all the more dirty. What she did in those moments would defile her image more than Hisao's touch ever could.

Her hand touched her most intimate area, making her whimper. _Lilly, forgive me. I need to do this._

Her fingers picked up tempo, working their way to the inevitable climax. Hanako was torn between keeping the image of Lilly in her mind, and finishing the business she had begun. In those moments, she was a walking contradiction. The flesh that had torn her life was now giving her the relief she needed.

Sadly, it was only relief. There was no real Lilly next to her so that she may call it love. _Flesh. _The word resonated in Hanako's mind, as the blonde girl's image shattered in white shards.

She felt her fingers wet and sticky, and pulled out her hand. At some points before she would have examined them, but this time she was contend to just clean her hand against the sheets. She pulled the blanket over herself, and closed her eyes.

And prayed that Lilly, not a nightmare, would await her on the other side.

**0000**

From the blanket of darkness, Lilly's eyes opened. It took a few moments for her mind to process her surroundings. Her naked body felt completely relaxed under the blanket, and the source of warmth next to her was all too familiar. She felt a feint soreness between her thighs, reminding her of what they did that night…and the nights before.

Lilly's finger stroked Hisao's cheek, careful enough not to wake him. Her serene face didn't betray what she truly felt. For the first time ever, she pitied herself for her lack of sight. Not because she couldn't enjoy the world, but because she had no way of seeing the one with whom she fell in love with.

Sensing her movements, Hisao opened his eyes, just as confused. The realization they were both naked in bed still lingered. It wasn't the first time, but each time he shared the bed with Lilly, it was magical. He gently placed his hand on hers, squeezing gently.

"Anything wrong, Lilly?"

"No. Just…wanted to see if you were awake."

"I am now." He grinned, placing a kiss on the tip of her finger.

"What time is it?"

"Don't know. It's still dark outside."

"Oh…" giggled Lilly.

"Is that supposed to be humorous?"

The blonde girl giggled again, before moving closer to Hisao.

"I was just thinking, what Akira would say if she saw us. Just think, me, the _good and helpless _former Catholic school girl, in here with you, doing all these naughty things…."

As to confirm, Lilly ran her finger along Hisao's scar, before going downwards.

"Well, you did say that you've got a healthy adolescent sex drive."

"That I do." Confirmed Lilly with a grin, before pulling the blanket out of the way.

"H…hey!" protested Hisao.

"Shhhh, just let me do all the work." Smiled Lilly.

**0000**

Morning brought with it little change for Hanako. The light of the sun was far better than any alarm clock, but also more annoying.

She felt miserable. The little sleep she got wasn't enough to even give her the appearance that she was OK. She could hide her appearance from Lilly, but not from Hisao.

With a groan, she got out of bed, and stripped of her nightgown. The one mirror in her room only displayed her face and chest. Hanako approached it, staring emptily into the reflection. It was who she was. Broken and miserable. Devoid of the girl who had given her life meaning.

Gently, she lifted the hair that covered her charred half. It was no longer a shock. Hisao had seen it. Lilly had felt it. The world had mocked it.

_**flashback**_

_Lilly took a sip from her tea cup, her now opened eyes looking at Hanako. And though they couldn't see anything, her hand had told her all she need to know. _

_Hanako stood opposite of the table, her fingers playing with her hair. She dared not look at Lilly. All the times they had spend before in her room, had now come to this. She could not speak. The teacup, still full, was placed before her._

"_Hanako, did you go to school today?" asked Lilly in her normal tone._

_The question seemed absurd. But Hanako didn't have the courage to answer. She hadn't. All the day had been spend in her room. Not because she felt ill. At least not in the body. _

_The problem was the day._

"_Y…yes." Replied Hanako in the end._

_Lilly's frown deepened. _

"_Hanako, you don't need to lie to me."_

"_I…no, I didn't."_

_Lilly set the tea cup down, closing her eyes. She got up, and worked her way to Hanako's side of the table. Hanako's body twitched, as the blind girl sat in front of her. _

"_Hanako, why do you have to hide from me?"_

_The scarred girl quivered. Truth being told, she was ready. Ready to let her see what she had been hiding._

"_Lilly, please…I…just need…some time alone."_

_Lilly's hand touched Hanako's. The girl made no move. She was too petrified._

"_You need time, but not alone. Please, tell me what I need to do."_

_Hanako's nerves gave out. She pulled her hand aside, bursting into tears. She collapsed on one side, supporting herself on her good arm, each sob tearing a piece from her. Lilly's composures remained calm and collective._

"_Lilly! You wouldn't say such things if you could see me!"_

"_Nonsense, I'm sure you're beautiful." Replied Lilly, with a wave of the hand._

_That's when reality sank in. She had spend all those times with this girl, and never bothered to see this being in front of her. Her palm worked her way along Hanako's arm, until it reached her face._

_Soft skin chilled by nerves, tightening in fear. She recognized the shape of a cheek and understood. She moved her other hand up to join its partner. A sharp, fearful gasp came from Hanako, as Lilly's hand touched her other cheek._

_The skin under her fingers was rough and uneven, with exposed nerves. It was wet, no doubt from tears. Slowly, an image formed in Lilly's mind. Her lips opened slightly, and a lone tear rolled down her pale skin._

"_Oh Hanako…"_

_Lilly felt her wrist grasped by Hanako's hand. It was full of desperation. She felt her body move closer to her own, and Hanako's other hand grasped her shoulder. Hanako was trembling, awaiting the shove that would push her disfigured form away from Lilly._

"_Hanako…you're beautiful."_

_**end flashback**_

**0000**

The hand holding up the hair fell limp. Yet Hanako still looked into the mirror. Self pity. That's all she was good for.

A knock on the door, followed by Lilly's voice broke her stone gaze.

"Hanako, time for breakfast."

"C…coming." She replied, getting dressed in a hurry.

Breakfast at Akira's cabin was calm and relaxed. The whole atmosphere felt like it drew its strength from Lilly's calmness, then reflecting it on the three sitting at the table.

"So, what plans for today?" asked Hisao, taking a bite of his omelet.

"Well, we don't need anything from town, so there's no need to make the extra trip. But Akira did tell me that there's a great place to fish close to here." replied Lilly, her hand searching the table for a napkin.

"Then let's go there. And whatever we catch becomes dinner."

Lilly cleaned her mouth, and nodded.

"So be it then. Hisao, can you go get the rods and bait? Akira said they're in the shack behind the house."

The boy got up, taking one last drink of his coffee. Hanako watched him leave, and then returned her gaze to her still full plate. Lilly had finished hers, and was having a second cup of tea.

"So Hanako, how are you enjoying your vacation so far?"

Lilly's voice in the silence of the kitchen was unnerving, even to Hanako. She dropped the fork, hitting the plate with a clang.

"It's…fine…I guess."

Lilly's eyes opened, transfixing her. Each time she did that, Hanako sensed that she understood her lie. She dared not look in her sapphire orbs, but kept her head lowered.

"I'm so glad to hear that. My worry was that you wouldn't enjoy being out in nature like this."

She finished her tea, and placed the cup down.

"Thank you so much, Hanako."

"For what?"

"For understanding how I feel about Hisao."

The sentence felt like a stab in the heart. It wasn't bad enough that she had lied to the only person she could trust, lying in an area that was dear to Lilly, but she now had to endure her kind words.

"W…whatever makes you happy." Stammered Hanako, holding back her tears.

Lilly's motherly smile flooded over Hanako like a blanket. That warm, serene smile that had gotten her through so many nights of terror and loneliness.

"You're too kind, Hanako, to feel happy for me. I know it may seem strange to you that we won't be spending so much time together. Thank you for understanding. The only thing I don't want to loose is your friendship."

Tears chocked Hanako's throat, and it took a will that she never thought she had to hold them back. Lilly heard the sound of a chair being pushed, and moments later, Hanako's body was now a few steps from her.

"L…Lilly, why…a…are you so kind to me?"

In response, Lily took Hanako's scarred hand and placed it on her chest. Hanako inhaled sharply, looking upwards into Lilly's face.

"Because I have you written on my heart, Hanako."

Hanako's legs felt like crumbling marble. Her arms wrapped themselves around Lilly's waist, her head resting on the blind girl's chest. They remained in their embrace for what seemed like hours, the morning sun casting shadows on the world around them.


End file.
